My college batch mates, specifically those coming from Tomas-Glen’s Nuptial (from UST-IE batch 2001 also), decided to continue the party at Hooters, located at the back of Mall of Asia. I decided to join them realizing that it has been years since I made myself available to spend time with them. Honestly I was not really comfortable with the place they chose imagining girls with big boobs serving us food. More than that, as what I’ve seen in the movies, I expect men wearing leather jacket, long beard and holding beer mugs outnumbers the crowd. But then I realized, what can I do, it was my batch mates’ choice and I was just invited. Relieved when I entered the restaurant, normal, decent and mostly young people populates the area. Yes, the waitresses were wearing very short orange shorts and plunging sleeveless shirts but they were not as boobsy and pretty as I imagined them to be. Bad as you may describe me but they really are not. What about the food? I think they’re overpriced. Their prices are comparable to that of TGIF’s minus the presentation and ambience. So I guess the cleavages and legs that these waitresses flaunt are not free after all. All in all the experience was good, having the chance to get updates from my college friends and relieved that biker-looking men are nowhere to be found. Haha!

Almost two months of being a full-time housewife and mother gave me realizations that I guess mothers cannot fully understand not until they’ve experienced BEING at home.

• There is no such thing as ENOUGH time spent with children… the more you spend time with them, the more you realize they need more of your presence and attention.
• To know them is TO BE with them.
• Asking someone to look after your children is delegating a very big responsibility.
• You will never run out of errands at home, from bills to grocery to repairs to processing papers… the list goes on…
• Not because you’re the parent and you provide everything your children needs mean that you should push your children to follow all the rules you set at home. Be flexible enough to adjust the rules based on your child’s personality and environment he’s exposed to, without of course sacrificing the values you want to impart. Sometimes all they need is understanding and everything will be ok.
• Patience is really a virtue.
• Looking after and taking care of your children brings out the best in them, not the material things that we thought would matter.

I know I’ll be learning a lot more the coming months ahead. Yes it’s not easy to give out all your effort and time serving your children and husband but I am happy that I’m doing it and I believe soon I will see the positive effects of me being at home.

Loss no. 1: The death of my grandfather has obviously caught me unguarded. Even after the stroke and being comatose for several days, I was hoping and believing that he can still recover. The last time I saw him, a day before he died, he was noticeably looking better. I was even planning to take a leave of absence to be able to visit him again. Shocked by my mom’s call, almost 1 am of July 22, she confirmed that my grandfather peacefully left this world to meet his Creator. True, as they say, that losing forever a love one is difficult to accept, more so, difficult to believe. A week after my grandfather’s burial, thinking that Col. Alfredo L. Cayton, Sr. is already gone is still unimaginable.

Loss no.2: Telling my father what I feel is something you do not expect from me to do. I was always scared of him and pleasing him was my only objective just to get his attention. But few weeks ago was a different story, he made me so angry and frustrated that I unintentionally blurted out facts that burdened me almost my entire life. Now, apologies have been said, I know things will never be the same again. Relief on my side, I realized that I don’t really have to forget about myself just to be good in his eyes.

Loss no.3: Giving up my job is a serious decision to make especially now that prices are continuously increasing. It was actually a difficult decision for me, but instincts and circumstances have been dictating that I should not wait any longer. A favorite line from that turtle in Kung Fu Panda, ‘There’s no such thing as accident,’ made me realize that unpleasant things happen because it pushes you to go out of your comfort zone. Now that my resignation letter has been submitted, I’ve never been relieved and happy for the past several months.

And now after all these losses that made me sad, relieved, happy and excited… I ask myself… Quo Vadis? Where do I go from here?

Lately I am having a change of heart. I used to think that I cannot be a full time housewife because lack of brain activity will kill me. But now, I am on the verge of resigning because of these two adorable kids waiting for me everyday as I come home from work. Maybe I just needed a break. Maybe I would just want to experience having nothing to think about but my husband and kids for a couple of months. Maybe God is telling me that my kids need my time more than the money I take home each month. I don’t know. All I know is that I would want to spend more time with my kids each day. And guess what, my husband feels the same way too… ahahah…

Sometimes there are disadvantages of making your place of abode comfortable and technology supported because you end up not wanting to leave for work anymore. What would be better than waking up late, chat and surf in the internet for hours, eat anytime and anything I want, swim, play psp and watch tv? And far more greater than that is being able to see my kids everyday as they do their thing or just follow me anywhere I go. Everyday I wake up, I drag myself to take a bath and prepare for work because I wouldn’t want to leave my adorable little boy and handsome first born.

Actually, I am in the middle of a big decision right now, that is, to continue working or to stay at home. Well, actually I don’t really have a choice. Haha! Our monthly expenses are so huge that giving up my decent monthly salary and good benefits would mean a lot of adjustments and sacrifices not only for me but also for my husband and kids. Worse it could mean giving up our condo, transferring Marcus to a public school or cutting down our budget for food. Definitely I wouldn’t want any of that!

Choosing between two important thing is really hard, but what makes it even harder is when the one you really want is actually not the best choice.