Loss no. 1: The death of my grandfather has obviously caught me unguarded. Even after the stroke and being comatose for several days, I was hoping and believing that he can still recover. The last time I saw him, a day before he died, he was noticeably looking better. I was even planning to take a leave of absence to be able to visit him again. Shocked by my mom’s call, almost 1 am of July 22, she confirmed that my grandfather peacefully left this world to meet his Creator. True, as they say, that losing forever a love one is difficult to accept, more so, difficult to believe. A week after my grandfather’s burial, thinking that Col. Alfredo L. Cayton, Sr. is already gone is still unimaginable.

Loss no.2: Telling my father what I feel is something you do not expect from me to do. I was always scared of him and pleasing him was my only objective just to get his attention. But few weeks ago was a different story, he made me so angry and frustrated that I unintentionally blurted out facts that burdened me almost my entire life. Now, apologies have been said, I know things will never be the same again. Relief on my side, I realized that I don’t really have to forget about myself just to be good in his eyes.

Loss no.3: Giving up my job is a serious decision to make especially now that prices are continuously increasing. It was actually a difficult decision for me, but instincts and circumstances have been dictating that I should not wait any longer. A favorite line from that turtle in Kung Fu Panda, ‘There’s no such thing as accident,’ made me realize that unpleasant things happen because it pushes you to go out of your comfort zone. Now that my resignation letter has been submitted, I’ve never been relieved and happy for the past several months.

And now after all these losses that made me sad, relieved, happy and excited… I ask myself… Quo Vadis? Where do I go from here?