Embracing my OCness

I have an Obsessive-compulsive disorder. No specialist confirmed it but I think that my control-freak attitude is enough evidence already. I am not much of the ‘house should always be in order’ type of OC. With 3 children around, I am just thankful I’m not. But when I work or study, I want things around me arranged and fixed accordingly before I could start anything. Problem is, I tend to control things and even the life of my loved ones. As much as I would want to protect them, I realized that they need to go through the process and not block them from experiencing life.

They say that people with OCD feel strong urges to do certain things repeatedly — called rituals or compulsions — in order to stop the scary thoughts or to try to ward off the bad thing they dread, or to make extra sure that things are safe or clean or right.

Based on the site www.helpguide.org, most people with obsessive-compulsive disorder fall into one of the following categories:

1. Washers are afraid of contamination. They usually have cleaning or hand-washing compulsions.
2. Checkers repeatedly check things (oven turned off, door locked, etc.) that they associate with harm or danger.
3. Doubters and sinners are afraid that if everything isn’t perfect or done just right something terrible will happen or they will be punished.
4. Counters and arrangers are obsessed with order and symmetry. They may have superstitions about certain numbers, colors, or arrangements.
5. Hoarders fear that something bad will happen if they throw anything away. They compulsively hoard things that they don’t need or use.

I am a washer because I want to wash my hands most of the time because clean hands give me a sense of satisfaction. I am also a doubter because I feel that when I’m not on top of things, something bad might happen and I have myself to blame. I also have the tendency to be a hoarder because it’s so hard for me to give up some things I should be throwing already. But above all, I think I strongly fall into number 2, the checker, for the following reasons:

1. I excessively double-checks things such as locks, appliances, and switches. Also, important documents and possessions. Yeah, weird, but true!
2. Repeatedly checks on loved ones to make sure they’re safe. For this I thank the person who invented cellular phones and internet.
3. Wants to be on top of things to be sure that loved ones and belongings are protected.
4. Needs re-assurance

I need to know all these because embracing my OCness makes me feel normal despite my abnormal actions and feelings.